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Newsletters - April 2008
| Better Than Ever Coaching |
What Could Be Better?
Written by:
Helen F. Kosinski, ACC, MBA - Professional Coach
April 2008: Volume 3, Issue 4 / ISSN # 1935-4827
*****************************************************
This Month: Stop! And Listen
- Feature Article
- What's Next for You?
- Resources
- What's Happening?
*****************************************************
Hi,
We’ve had a beautiful string of days here on Cape Cod! It’s
like an orchestra outside in the early morning! All the
different birds are chirping. The squirrels are chattering.
And, one of my favorite sounds, the owls are ‘who-whoing’ back
and forth to one another. Add to that the background of the bay
waves rolling in… Wow, it really is something to listen to!
Speaking of listening, that’s this month’s topic. Listening is
such a powerful skill to have. Being a great listener can
really improve all aspects of your life. Don’t miss the 5 tips!
Happy Listening! I hope you have a Better Than Ever month!
All my best,
Helen
P.S. Check out the ‘What’s Happening?’ section for information
about my upcoming walking retreats
*************************************************************
Feature Article: Stop! And Listen
*************************************************************
Chatterbox! That’s what my elementary school teachers called
me. Back then, I just loved to talk.
Through the years, I’ve discovered that it’s important to
participate in conversations by talking, but it’s equally, if
not more critical, to listen. Often we’re doing everything but
listening when someone else is speaking. We may be talking over
the other person so that we don’t forget our point. Or, we’re
so wrapped up in our own head trying to formulate our next
statement or what we will have for dinner that we aren’t even
hearing the other person, let alone really listening to what
they are saying.
What’s the outcome when you don’t listen? Does the other person
feel heard? Do they feel that you ‘get them’ and understand
their perspective? Does not listening to others create hard
feelings? Does it create misunderstandings? Can the
conversation take a turn for the worse and escalate into an
argument?
I vividly recall many meetings in Corporate America where I
spent most of my time ‘in my head’ creating counter points to
the ones being presented by the other person. I definitely was
not fully present in the conversation. Instead of creating a
collaborative environment, we created more of a ping-pong match.
When s/he lobbed a thought over at me, I whipped back a smart
retort and tried to ‘win’ points. I didn’t feel heard or
valued, and neither did my ‘opponent’. It was clear that the
outcome of these types of meetings would result in having a
‘winner’ and a ‘loser’. As I think about these exchanges, I
just shake my head…is that really the purpose of a conversation?
Whew! I hope not.
Listening is a skill. Even though listening isn’t taught in
most schools, there are things you can do to improve the way
that you listen. Here are 5 tips to get you started:
1 – Stop! And listen. Don’t do anything else (e.g., read
e-mail, check your Blackberry), when someone is talking.
2 – Get out of your head. Don’t be thinking about your next
point, or what time you have to pick up the kids, or the
report that you have to get out. Fully listen to the other
person.
3 – Engage multiple senses when someone else is speaking. For
example, if you are listening to someone ‘in person’ watch
the other person’s body language – what is his/her facial
expression, are they crossing their arms, is s/he fidgeting?
What does your gut tell you about how this conversation is
going?
4 – When the person stops talking, don’t immediately start
talking about your point(s). Make sure you understand
precisely what they were talking about. You may want to ask
them some clarifying questions, such as:
5 – Once the other person is finished with his/her point(s),
paraphrase(restate what was said using different words) to
ensure you understood the true context of his/her point(s).
These tips sound pretty easy, but let me tell you from personal
experience, they aren’t as easy to implement as they sound.
However, once you get the hang of it and really start listening,
the results are very rewarding!
There’s one other type of listening that I’d like you to think
about. Often we are so busy that we forget to take the time to
listen to our wise internal voice. When you’re wrestling with a
decision or you’re struggling with what to do next, it can be
very helpful to Stop! And listen to yourself. Finding some
quiet, peaceful time where you allow yourself to think about
nothing can be a great way to invite your own voice to be heard.
I’m finding that my early morning walks with my dog are a great
time to make this connection. As a young girl, I often wondered
why my mother never had the radio on in the car as she carted us
around to our appointments. It’s clear to me now that she used
this quiet time to listen to her wise self!
Listening is a very important skill to have, not only in your
job, but in your life!
*************************************************************
What's Next for You?
*************************************************************
What are you willing to do to improve your listening skills?
Will you take one of the five tips listed in the article and get
comfortable with it? Have you been eager to experiment with a
different listening style? Over the next month, I encourage you
to play with listening and see how it changes your interactions
with others!
Do you have other listening tips that you would like to share
with our readers? Please send an e-mail to:
mailto:Helen@BetterThanEverCoaching.com with a brief description
and I’ll include it in a future issue of ‘What Could Be Better’. Please let
me know if you’d like to remain anonymous.
*************************************************************
Resources
*************************************************************
-- Articles --
Empowerment comes from Listening by Diane DiResta
http://www.selfgrowth.
com/articles/Empowerment_Comes_From_Learning_Listening_Techn
iques.html
The Importance of Listening by Paul Hegarty
http://ezinearticles.com/?The-Importance-Of-Listening&id=154098
Keep Listening Skills Sharp by Steve Brunkhorst
http://ezinearticles.com/?Keep-Listening-Skills-Sharp&id=161955
Listening is Harder than You Think by Andrew E. Schwartz
http://ezinearticles.com/?Listening-is-Harder-Than-You-
Think&id=52720
Listen Up! Enrich Your Relationships Through Active Listening
by Jennifer L. Huget
http://www.revolutionhealth.com/healthy-
living/relationships/self/communication/active-listening?
s_kwcid=ContentNetwork|948573054
-- Books --
Are You Really Listening? Keys to Successful Communication
by Paul J. Donoghue and Mary E. Siegel
Listening: The Forgotten Skill: A Self-Teaching Guide
by Madelyn Burley-Allen
The Zen of Listening: Mindful Communications in the Age of
Distractions by Rebecca Z. Shafir
-- Websites --
http://www.lifescript.com/quiz/quiz.asp?
bid=51154&cat=Success&trans=1&du=1&gclid=COu5s4ShzpICFUIlFQ
odLG49Gw&ef_id=1350:3:
c_45761ae81600a04debdefa92528ea314_649470305:
EJDOZtB6B2YAAE6iXroAAAAN:20080409150751
Are You a Good Listener? - Quiz
http://www.listen.org/Templates/try_new.htm
International Listening Association
Note: Mention of any of the above resources does not
indicate endorsement.
*************************************************************
What's Happening?
*************************************************************
++ The Paradise Path Women’s Walking Retreats are starting! ++
Walking in nature is a great way to slow down the noise in your
head so that you can really listen to yourself. The Paradise
Path Women’s Walking Retreat may be just what you’re looking
for! These 3-hour retreats are held in an amazing part of Cape
Cod. It’s an easy 1 mile walk through the Atlantic White Cedar
Swamp trail of the Cape Cod National Seashore in Wellfleet.
There are two retreats scheduled – one in May and one in June!
Please check out my website:
http://www.betterthanevercoaching.com/retreats-paradisepath.html
for all the details. Space in these retreats is limited and the
early bird price of $39.95 is available for a short time! Sign
up today!
*************************************************************
It’s amazing that listening isn’t a skill that is taught in most
schools. However, improving your listening skills is a perfect
topic to work on with a coach! Would you like to learn more? Please
send me an e-mail (mailto:Helen@BetterThanEverCoaching.com) to
set up a 30 minute complimentary telephone meeting.
Thank you for subscribing to my newsletter. It is published
every month, except for a combined issue in November/December
and July/August. To cancel or change your subscription, please
refer to the link at the very bottom of this newsletter.
Do you know someone who would enjoy this newsletter? Please
send the entire issue intact and unaltered to them! Thank you!
To subscribe to this free newsletter, please send a blank e-mail
to mailto:Helen20-192607@autocontactor.com. When you receive
the confirmation e-mail, please follow the instructions to
complete your subscription. As a special Thank You for
subscribing, you will receive Three FREE Success Journal Secrets
to Creating a Better Life!
Your privacy is important to me. I do not give out or sell my
subscriber list to anyone.
Please send any questions, comments or insights to me at:
mailto:Helen@BetterThanEverCoaching.com or P.O. Box 391,
Brewster, MA 02631. Or you can give me a call toll-free at:
(888) 294-5779.
Be sure to visit my website at:
http://www.BetterThanEverCoaching.com for more information.
*************************************************************
Better Than Ever Coaching
Partnering with Professionals to
Confidently Navigate Change
*************************************************************
Copyright © 2008 Better Than Ever Coaching, LLC.
All rights reserved.
*************************************************************
Written by:
Helen F. Kosinski, ACC, MBA - Professional Coach
April 2008: Volume 3, Issue 4 / ISSN # 1935-4827
*****************************************************
This Month: Stop! And Listen
- Feature Article
- What's Next for You?
- Resources
- What's Happening?
*****************************************************
Hi,
We’ve had a beautiful string of days here on Cape Cod! It’s
like an orchestra outside in the early morning! All the
different birds are chirping. The squirrels are chattering.
And, one of my favorite sounds, the owls are ‘who-whoing’ back
and forth to one another. Add to that the background of the bay
waves rolling in… Wow, it really is something to listen to!
Speaking of listening, that’s this month’s topic. Listening is
such a powerful skill to have. Being a great listener can
really improve all aspects of your life. Don’t miss the 5 tips!
Happy Listening! I hope you have a Better Than Ever month!
All my best,
Helen
P.S. Check out the ‘What’s Happening?’ section for information
about my upcoming walking retreats
*************************************************************
Feature Article: Stop! And Listen
*************************************************************
Chatterbox! That’s what my elementary school teachers called
me. Back then, I just loved to talk.
Through the years, I’ve discovered that it’s important to
participate in conversations by talking, but it’s equally, if
not more critical, to listen. Often we’re doing everything but
listening when someone else is speaking. We may be talking over
the other person so that we don’t forget our point. Or, we’re
so wrapped up in our own head trying to formulate our next
statement or what we will have for dinner that we aren’t even
hearing the other person, let alone really listening to what
they are saying.
What’s the outcome when you don’t listen? Does the other person
feel heard? Do they feel that you ‘get them’ and understand
their perspective? Does not listening to others create hard
feelings? Does it create misunderstandings? Can the
conversation take a turn for the worse and escalate into an
argument?
I vividly recall many meetings in Corporate America where I
spent most of my time ‘in my head’ creating counter points to
the ones being presented by the other person. I definitely was
not fully present in the conversation. Instead of creating a
collaborative environment, we created more of a ping-pong match.
When s/he lobbed a thought over at me, I whipped back a smart
retort and tried to ‘win’ points. I didn’t feel heard or
valued, and neither did my ‘opponent’. It was clear that the
outcome of these types of meetings would result in having a
‘winner’ and a ‘loser’. As I think about these exchanges, I
just shake my head…is that really the purpose of a conversation?
Whew! I hope not.
Listening is a skill. Even though listening isn’t taught in
most schools, there are things you can do to improve the way
that you listen. Here are 5 tips to get you started:
1 – Stop! And listen. Don’t do anything else (e.g., read
e-mail, check your Blackberry), when someone is talking.
2 – Get out of your head. Don’t be thinking about your next
point, or what time you have to pick up the kids, or the
report that you have to get out. Fully listen to the other
person.
3 – Engage multiple senses when someone else is speaking. For
example, if you are listening to someone ‘in person’ watch
the other person’s body language – what is his/her facial
expression, are they crossing their arms, is s/he fidgeting?
What does your gut tell you about how this conversation is
going?
4 – When the person stops talking, don’t immediately start
talking about your point(s). Make sure you understand
precisely what they were talking about. You may want to ask
them some clarifying questions, such as:
 | Could you say more about <something specific about the topic | |
| they were speaking about>? | ||
| When you mentioned <the topic they were talking about> were | |
| you referring to <x> or <y>? | ||
| I didn’t understand what you meant when you said | |
| <something specific within the topic they were speaking about>. Could you clarify that for me? |
5 – Once the other person is finished with his/her point(s),
paraphrase(restate what was said using different words) to
ensure you understood the true context of his/her point(s).
These tips sound pretty easy, but let me tell you from personal
experience, they aren’t as easy to implement as they sound.
However, once you get the hang of it and really start listening,
the results are very rewarding!
There’s one other type of listening that I’d like you to think
about. Often we are so busy that we forget to take the time to
listen to our wise internal voice. When you’re wrestling with a
decision or you’re struggling with what to do next, it can be
very helpful to Stop! And listen to yourself. Finding some
quiet, peaceful time where you allow yourself to think about
nothing can be a great way to invite your own voice to be heard.
I’m finding that my early morning walks with my dog are a great
time to make this connection. As a young girl, I often wondered
why my mother never had the radio on in the car as she carted us
around to our appointments. It’s clear to me now that she used
this quiet time to listen to her wise self!
Listening is a very important skill to have, not only in your
job, but in your life!
*************************************************************
What's Next for You?
*************************************************************
What are you willing to do to improve your listening skills?
Will you take one of the five tips listed in the article and get
comfortable with it? Have you been eager to experiment with a
different listening style? Over the next month, I encourage you
to play with listening and see how it changes your interactions
with others!
Do you have other listening tips that you would like to share
with our readers? Please send an e-mail to:
mailto:Helen@BetterThanEverCoaching.com with a brief description
and I’ll include it in a future issue of ‘What Could Be Better’. Please let
me know if you’d like to remain anonymous.
*************************************************************
Resources
*************************************************************
-- Articles --
Empowerment comes from Listening by Diane DiResta
http://www.selfgrowth.
com/articles/Empowerment_Comes_From_Learning_Listening_Techn
iques.html
The Importance of Listening by Paul Hegarty
http://ezinearticles.com/?The-Importance-Of-Listening&id=154098
Keep Listening Skills Sharp by Steve Brunkhorst
http://ezinearticles.com/?Keep-Listening-Skills-Sharp&id=161955
Listening is Harder than You Think by Andrew E. Schwartz
http://ezinearticles.com/?Listening-is-Harder-Than-You-
Think&id=52720
Listen Up! Enrich Your Relationships Through Active Listening
by Jennifer L. Huget
http://www.revolutionhealth.com/healthy-
living/relationships/self/communication/active-listening?
s_kwcid=ContentNetwork|948573054
-- Books --
Are You Really Listening? Keys to Successful Communication
by Paul J. Donoghue and Mary E. Siegel
Listening: The Forgotten Skill: A Self-Teaching Guide
by Madelyn Burley-Allen
The Zen of Listening: Mindful Communications in the Age of
Distractions by Rebecca Z. Shafir
-- Websites --
http://www.lifescript.com/quiz/quiz.asp?
bid=51154&cat=Success&trans=1&du=1&gclid=COu5s4ShzpICFUIlFQ
odLG49Gw&ef_id=1350:3:
c_45761ae81600a04debdefa92528ea314_649470305:
EJDOZtB6B2YAAE6iXroAAAAN:20080409150751
Are You a Good Listener? - Quiz
http://www.listen.org/Templates/try_new.htm
International Listening Association
Note: Mention of any of the above resources does not
indicate endorsement.
*************************************************************
What's Happening?
*************************************************************
++ The Paradise Path Women’s Walking Retreats are starting! ++
Walking in nature is a great way to slow down the noise in your
head so that you can really listen to yourself. The Paradise
Path Women’s Walking Retreat may be just what you’re looking
for! These 3-hour retreats are held in an amazing part of Cape
Cod. It’s an easy 1 mile walk through the Atlantic White Cedar
Swamp trail of the Cape Cod National Seashore in Wellfleet.
There are two retreats scheduled – one in May and one in June!
Please check out my website:
http://www.betterthanevercoaching.com/retreats-paradisepath.html
for all the details. Space in these retreats is limited and the
early bird price of $39.95 is available for a short time! Sign
up today!
*************************************************************
It’s amazing that listening isn’t a skill that is taught in most
schools. However, improving your listening skills is a perfect
topic to work on with a coach! Would you like to learn more? Please
send me an e-mail (mailto:Helen@BetterThanEverCoaching.com) to
set up a 30 minute complimentary telephone meeting.
Thank you for subscribing to my newsletter. It is published
every month, except for a combined issue in November/December
and July/August. To cancel or change your subscription, please
refer to the link at the very bottom of this newsletter.
Do you know someone who would enjoy this newsletter? Please
send the entire issue intact and unaltered to them! Thank you!
To subscribe to this free newsletter, please send a blank e-mail
to mailto:Helen20-192607@autocontactor.com. When you receive
the confirmation e-mail, please follow the instructions to
complete your subscription. As a special Thank You for
subscribing, you will receive Three FREE Success Journal Secrets
to Creating a Better Life!
Your privacy is important to me. I do not give out or sell my
subscriber list to anyone.
Please send any questions, comments or insights to me at:
mailto:Helen@BetterThanEverCoaching.com or P.O. Box 391,
Brewster, MA 02631. Or you can give me a call toll-free at:
(888) 294-5779.
Be sure to visit my website at:
http://www.BetterThanEverCoaching.com for more information.
*************************************************************
Better Than Ever Coaching
Partnering with Professionals to
Confidently Navigate Change
*************************************************************
Copyright © 2008 Better Than Ever Coaching, LLC.
All rights reserved.
*************************************************************
| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| | Home | Coaching | Retreats | Programs | Products | Newsletters | | Pictures | Resources | FAQ | Testimonials | About Helen | | Contact Helen | Copyright © 2005 - 2012 Better Than Ever Coaching, LLC. All rights reserved. Address: P.O. Box 391, Brewster, MA 02631 Telephone: (508) 896-5779 Click here to Contact Helen |