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| | Home | Coaching | Products | Retreats | Programs | Newsletters | | Resources | FAQ | Testimonials | About Helen | Contact Helen | Copyright © 2005 - 2008 Better Than Ever Coaching. All rights reserved. Address: P.O. Box 391, Brewster, MA 02631 Telephone: (508) 896-5779 Click here to Contact Helen |
Newsletters - May 2008
| Better Than Ever Coaching |
*****************************************************
What Could Be Better?
Written by:
Helen F. Kosinski, ACC, MBA - Professional Coach
May 2008: Volume 3, Issue 5 / ISSN # 1935-4827
*****************************************************
This Month: 3 Roadblocks Keeping You from Getting What You Want
- Feature Article
- What's Next for You?
- Resources
- Reader's Corner
- What's Happening?
*****************************************************
Hi,
I can’t believe it’s already Memorial Day weekend (here in the U.S.)! I find
that often the beginning of the year starts out kind of slowly. March seems
like a very long month and then whoooosh, it’s the end of May! And, if
2008 is like other years, the second half is going to FLY by!
How is the year going for you? Are you pleased with where you are and
where you’re headed? I find sometimes what slows me down is not
asking for what I want. Does that ever happen to you? If so, I think you’ll
find this month’s article very timely!
I hope you have a Better Than Ever month!
All my best,
Helen
P.S. There are only 2 spaces left for the Paradise Path June 7th walking
retreat! Sign up by Saturday, May 24th and you’ll get the Early Bird rate!
Check the ‘What’s Happening?’ section below for the details.
*************************************************************
Feature Article: 3 Roadblocks Keeping You from Getting What You Want
*************************************************************
Do you ask for what you want? Sounds like a simple question, which
would result in a quick response of ‘Yes!’ But really, do you ask for what
you want most of the time? How about some of the time? Maybe it’s only
once in a while? Maybe never…
What makes it so difficult to ask for what you want?
1) Fear
Fear can keep us from asking for what we want. We may worry that the
other person will reject our request and think less of us or not like us. We
may be concerned about appearing selfish. We may feel we’re not worthy
of someone honoring our request. There are lots of different fears we
conjure up in our heads. Some of them may even be valid.
BUT if we allow the fear to prevent us from asking for what we want, we
will never know what is truly possible. For example, when I decided I
wanted to transition to a career in coaching, I wanted to do it gradually.
Ideally, I wanted to continuing working my day job part-time, three days a
week and working one of those days at home. I was nervous about
asking for what I wanted. Typically, working part-time was frowned upon
at my company. I didn’t know if they’d just tell me ‘no’, if they would give
me my walking papers or perhaps they might allow me to work part-time.
I finally decided I just had to ask for what I wanted. I met with my
immediate manager and he was agreeable to my request! Wow! I was
thrilled and surprised! I still had to get approval from his manager. The
three of us met. I was granted permission to work part-time, working one
of those days at home! I really never thought I would get what I wanted,
but I did! And, if I had not asked, then I can guarantee, it would never have
happened!
What role does fear play for you in preventing you from asking for what you
want? What do you want to do to push past this fear? What would it feel
like to ignore the fear and just ask for what you want?
2) Uncertain how to ask
The second reason it can be difficult to ask for what we want is we’re not
really sure HOW to go about asking. Since we don’t know what to say,
often we just don’t say anything and then we don’t get what we want. Or
sometimes we ask for what we want in such a roundabout way the other
person doesn’t know the importance of the request.
I have to admit, this is one area I am constantly working on…as my
husband will attest. Instead of saying something simple such as, ‘I’d like
to go to the movies this weekend.’ I have a bad habit of phrasing it as a
question, such as ‘Would you like to go to the movies this weekend?’ The
problem with this approach is it’s easy for the other person to say, ‘no’
without understanding this is something I really wanted. This can result in
confusion and hard feelings.
What’s the best way for you to ask for what you want? What can you do to
make your request direct and clear? How will you make sure the other
person understands the importance of your request?
3) Lack of clarity
I think this is the biggest reason we don’t ask for what we want. If you
don’t know what you want, then how can you ask for it? I know that
sounds kind of ridiculous, but most people can NOT answer the question
‘What do you want?’
When asking for what you want, you MUST be very clear about what you
do want. For example, when I made the request to work part-time, I knew
specifically what I wanted before I began asking. I didn’t go into the
meeting just saying I wanted to work part-time. I had a very precise
request in mind – I wanted to work three days a week, with one of those
days at home. I had also decided what was negotiable and what I was
willing to do, if the request was denied. The fact I had considered these
factors BEFORE I actually started asking for what I wanted made me
confident in my request.
Here are the questions I used to gain clarity about what I wanted in the
above example:
For each of these questions, make sure your response is as specific as possible.
Think of all of the possibilities that will open up for you when you ask for
what you want more often!
*************************************************************
What's Next for You?
*************************************************************
What do you want, but have been putting off asking for? It can be
anything… Maybe it’s more time with your significant other. Or, maybe it’s
a new lawn mower. Maybe it’s a transition to a new career. What steps
will you take this month to ask for what you want? What will you do to
move past the fear? How will you prepare? What decisions do you need
to make to get crystal clear about what you want?
Would you like to share what happened when you asked for what you
wanted with our readers? Please send an e-mail to:
mailto:Helen@BetterThanEverCoaching.com with a brief description and
I’ll include it in a future issue of ‘What Could Be Better’. Please let me
know if you’d like to remain anonymous.
*************************************************************
Resources
*************************************************************
-- Articles --
Good Things Come to Those Who Ask by Jack Canfield
http://ezinearticles.com/?Good-Things-Come-to-Those-Who-
Ask&id=776533
How to Ask for Anything You Want by Matt Bacek
http://ezinearticles.com/?How-To-Ask-For-Anything-You-Want&id=126723
Just Ask and See What Opportunities Arise by Leslie Gail
http://ezinearticles.com/?Just-Ask-and-See-What-Opportunities-
Arise&id=105847
The Power in Asking by Tristan Loo
http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/TristanLoo3.html
-- Book --
Know What You Want and Get It!
by Norman Monath
Note: Mention of any of the above resources does not
indicate endorsement.
*************************************************************
Reader's Corner
*************************************************************
I seem to have hit a hot topic with last month’s article on listening. It
was great to hear from so many of you! I appreciate all of the e-mails.
Below are a couple of the responses:
From Fred Novello:
And from Rich:
Thank you both for sharing your insights with us! Listening is such an
important aspect of our lives. Do you have further thoughts, feedback, or
ideas about listening you would like to share with us? If so, please send
an e-mail to: mailto:Helen@BetterThanEverCoaching.com and
I’ll include it in a future issue of ‘What Could Be Better?’ Please let me
know if you’d like to remain anonymous.
*************************************************************
What's Happening?
*************************************************************
+ Only 2 spots left in The Paradise Path Women’s Walking Retreat +
The Paradise Path Women’s Walking Retreat is a 3-hour retreat held in
an amazing part of Cape Cod. It’s an easy 1 mile walk through the Atlantic
White Cedar Swamp trail of the Cape Cod National Seashore in Wellfleet.
In this small intimate group of six women you will:
Please check out my website:
http://www.betterthanevercoaching.com/retreats-paradisepath.html
for all the details. The early bird price of $39.95 is available until May 23, 2008! Sign up today!
*************************************************************
Asking for what we want can really change the way we live our lives.
Getting clear about what you want is a great way to work with a coach!
Would you like to learn more? Please send me an e-mail (mailto:
Helen@BetterThanEverCoaching.com) to set up a 30 minute
complimentary telephone meeting.
Thank you for subscribing to my newsletter. It is published
every month, except for a combined issue in November/December
and July/August. To cancel or change your subscription, please
refer to the link at the very bottom of this newsletter.
Do you know someone who would enjoy this newsletter? Please
send the entire issue intact and unaltered to them! Thank you!
To subscribe to this free newsletter, please send a blank e-mail
to mailto:Helen20-192607@autocontactor.com. When you receive
the confirmation e-mail, please follow the instructions to
complete your subscription. As a special Thank You for
subscribing, you will receive Three FREE Success Journal Secrets
to Creating a Better Life!
Your privacy is important to me. I do not give out or sell my
subscriber list to anyone.
Please send any questions, comments or insights to me at:
mailto:Helen@BetterThanEverCoaching.com or P.O. Box 391,
Brewster, MA 02631. Or you can give me a call toll-free at:
(888) 294-5779.
Be sure to visit my website at:
http://www.BetterThanEverCoaching.com for more information.
*************************************************************
Better Than Ever Coaching
Partnering with Professionals to
Confidently Navigate Change
*************************************************************
Copyright © 2008 Better Than Ever Coaching.
All rights reserved.
*************************************************************
What Could Be Better?
Written by:
Helen F. Kosinski, ACC, MBA - Professional Coach
May 2008: Volume 3, Issue 5 / ISSN # 1935-4827
*****************************************************
This Month: 3 Roadblocks Keeping You from Getting What You Want
- Feature Article
- What's Next for You?
- Resources
- Reader's Corner
- What's Happening?
*****************************************************
Hi,
I can’t believe it’s already Memorial Day weekend (here in the U.S.)! I find
that often the beginning of the year starts out kind of slowly. March seems
like a very long month and then whoooosh, it’s the end of May! And, if
2008 is like other years, the second half is going to FLY by!
How is the year going for you? Are you pleased with where you are and
where you’re headed? I find sometimes what slows me down is not
asking for what I want. Does that ever happen to you? If so, I think you’ll
find this month’s article very timely!
I hope you have a Better Than Ever month!
All my best,
Helen
P.S. There are only 2 spaces left for the Paradise Path June 7th walking
retreat! Sign up by Saturday, May 24th and you’ll get the Early Bird rate!
Check the ‘What’s Happening?’ section below for the details.
*************************************************************
Feature Article: 3 Roadblocks Keeping You from Getting What You Want
*************************************************************
Do you ask for what you want? Sounds like a simple question, which
would result in a quick response of ‘Yes!’ But really, do you ask for what
you want most of the time? How about some of the time? Maybe it’s only
once in a while? Maybe never…
What makes it so difficult to ask for what you want?
1) Fear
Fear can keep us from asking for what we want. We may worry that the
other person will reject our request and think less of us or not like us. We
may be concerned about appearing selfish. We may feel we’re not worthy
of someone honoring our request. There are lots of different fears we
conjure up in our heads. Some of them may even be valid.
BUT if we allow the fear to prevent us from asking for what we want, we
will never know what is truly possible. For example, when I decided I
wanted to transition to a career in coaching, I wanted to do it gradually.
Ideally, I wanted to continuing working my day job part-time, three days a
week and working one of those days at home. I was nervous about
asking for what I wanted. Typically, working part-time was frowned upon
at my company. I didn’t know if they’d just tell me ‘no’, if they would give
me my walking papers or perhaps they might allow me to work part-time.
I finally decided I just had to ask for what I wanted. I met with my
immediate manager and he was agreeable to my request! Wow! I was
thrilled and surprised! I still had to get approval from his manager. The
three of us met. I was granted permission to work part-time, working one
of those days at home! I really never thought I would get what I wanted,
but I did! And, if I had not asked, then I can guarantee, it would never have
happened!
What role does fear play for you in preventing you from asking for what you
want? What do you want to do to push past this fear? What would it feel
like to ignore the fear and just ask for what you want?
2) Uncertain how to ask
The second reason it can be difficult to ask for what we want is we’re not
really sure HOW to go about asking. Since we don’t know what to say,
often we just don’t say anything and then we don’t get what we want. Or
sometimes we ask for what we want in such a roundabout way the other
person doesn’t know the importance of the request.
I have to admit, this is one area I am constantly working on…as my
husband will attest. Instead of saying something simple such as, ‘I’d like
to go to the movies this weekend.’ I have a bad habit of phrasing it as a
question, such as ‘Would you like to go to the movies this weekend?’ The
problem with this approach is it’s easy for the other person to say, ‘no’
without understanding this is something I really wanted. This can result in
confusion and hard feelings.
What’s the best way for you to ask for what you want? What can you do to
make your request direct and clear? How will you make sure the other
person understands the importance of your request?
3) Lack of clarity
I think this is the biggest reason we don’t ask for what we want. If you
don’t know what you want, then how can you ask for it? I know that
sounds kind of ridiculous, but most people can NOT answer the question
‘What do you want?’
When asking for what you want, you MUST be very clear about what you
do want. For example, when I made the request to work part-time, I knew
specifically what I wanted before I began asking. I didn’t go into the
meeting just saying I wanted to work part-time. I had a very precise
request in mind – I wanted to work three days a week, with one of those
days at home. I had also decided what was negotiable and what I was
willing to do, if the request was denied. The fact I had considered these
factors BEFORE I actually started asking for what I wanted made me
confident in my request.
Here are the questions I used to gain clarity about what I wanted in the
above example:
 | What do I want? | |
| What is negotiable? | |
| What will I do if my request is denied? |
Think of all of the possibilities that will open up for you when you ask for
what you want more often!
*************************************************************
What's Next for You?
*************************************************************
What do you want, but have been putting off asking for? It can be
anything… Maybe it’s more time with your significant other. Or, maybe it’s
a new lawn mower. Maybe it’s a transition to a new career. What steps
will you take this month to ask for what you want? What will you do to
move past the fear? How will you prepare? What decisions do you need
to make to get crystal clear about what you want?
Would you like to share what happened when you asked for what you
wanted with our readers? Please send an e-mail to:
mailto:Helen@BetterThanEverCoaching.com with a brief description and
I’ll include it in a future issue of ‘What Could Be Better’. Please let me
know if you’d like to remain anonymous.
*************************************************************
Resources
*************************************************************
-- Articles --
Good Things Come to Those Who Ask by Jack Canfield
http://ezinearticles.com/?Good-Things-Come-to-Those-Who-
Ask&id=776533
How to Ask for Anything You Want by Matt Bacek
http://ezinearticles.com/?How-To-Ask-For-Anything-You-Want&id=126723
Just Ask and See What Opportunities Arise by Leslie Gail
http://ezinearticles.com/?Just-Ask-and-See-What-Opportunities-
Arise&id=105847
The Power in Asking by Tristan Loo
http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/TristanLoo3.html
-- Book --
Know What You Want and Get It!
by Norman Monath
Note: Mention of any of the above resources does not
indicate endorsement.
*************************************************************
Reader's Corner
*************************************************************
I seem to have hit a hot topic with last month’s article on listening. It
was great to hear from so many of you! I appreciate all of the e-mails.
Below are a couple of the responses:
From Fred Novello:
- "I read your article on listening skills and
certainly found what you were talking about
to be painfully true. I am a listener and was
always extremely frustrated by other ‘team
members’ in a district meeting trying to grab
the floor as soon as I or another individual was
speaking. Seemed to be a game of one-upmanship
to gain recognition points in front of the manager
by being the most aggressive. Unless the whole group
in a meeting adopts the ‘listening’" philosophy with
a courtesy aspect for the speaker (and that needs
to be set forth by the meeting facilitator) the meeting
always falls into the trap you are talking about. I
think it is just one of the many faults of our hurry
up society today. Just look at what cell phones have
done to alter people's courtesy to others."
And from Rich:
- "I like to listen to my wise internal voice by going
and sitting in the chair in our guest room. It’s a
room I’m not in very much and the location is
different enough to allow me to focus on specific
thoughts… After I get over the part of seeing the
room from a different angle, it’s almost like a
mini-vacation!"
Thank you both for sharing your insights with us! Listening is such an
important aspect of our lives. Do you have further thoughts, feedback, or
ideas about listening you would like to share with us? If so, please send
an e-mail to: mailto:Helen@BetterThanEverCoaching.com and
I’ll include it in a future issue of ‘What Could Be Better?’ Please let me
know if you’d like to remain anonymous.
*************************************************************
What's Happening?
*************************************************************
+ Only 2 spots left in The Paradise Path Women’s Walking Retreat +
The Paradise Path Women’s Walking Retreat is a 3-hour retreat held in
an amazing part of Cape Cod. It’s an easy 1 mile walk through the Atlantic
White Cedar Swamp trail of the Cape Cod National Seashore in Wellfleet.
In this small intimate group of six women you will:
| Ponder the different facets of your ideal life | |
| Explore what gets in the way of making your dream life a reality | |
| Play with the steps that will bring you closer to the life of your | |
| dreams | ||
| Discover the importance of nurturing your dream |
Please check out my website:
http://www.betterthanevercoaching.com/retreats-paradisepath.html
for all the details. The early bird price of $39.95 is available until May 23,
*************************************************************
Asking for what we want can really change the way we live our lives.
Getting clear about what you want is a great way to work with a coach!
Would you like to learn more? Please send me an e-mail (mailto:
Helen@BetterThanEverCoaching.com) to set up a 30 minute
complimentary telephone meeting.
Thank you for subscribing to my newsletter. It is published
every month, except for a combined issue in November/December
and July/August. To cancel or change your subscription, please
refer to the link at the very bottom of this newsletter.
Do you know someone who would enjoy this newsletter? Please
send the entire issue intact and unaltered to them! Thank you!
To subscribe to this free newsletter, please send a blank e-mail
to mailto:Helen20-192607@autocontactor.com. When you receive
the confirmation e-mail, please follow the instructions to
complete your subscription. As a special Thank You for
subscribing, you will receive Three FREE Success Journal Secrets
to Creating a Better Life!
Your privacy is important to me. I do not give out or sell my
subscriber list to anyone.
Please send any questions, comments or insights to me at:
mailto:Helen@BetterThanEverCoaching.com or P.O. Box 391,
Brewster, MA 02631. Or you can give me a call toll-free at:
(888) 294-5779.
Be sure to visit my website at:
http://www.BetterThanEverCoaching.com for more information.
*************************************************************
Better Than Ever Coaching
Partnering with Professionals to
Confidently Navigate Change
*************************************************************
Copyright © 2008 Better Than Ever Coaching.
All rights reserved.
*************************************************************
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